i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
