No stitches, just platelets and will power
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
