the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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