I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
