babies were throwing up all over the place
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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