Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
