the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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