i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
