the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
