how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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