Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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