Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
cat food counts as protein by the way
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
