D3 body, D1 cock
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
