She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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