this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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