but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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