She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
