yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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