I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
