did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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