Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
