There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
