Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
