THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
