I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
