it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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