Cold hands, warm shart.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
