He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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