Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
