they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
