I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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