I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
