i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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