no, he came in my armpit
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
