did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize