I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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