sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
