The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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