I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
