Your face is a jimmy john
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hippo gnu deer
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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