My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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