i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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