Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
