Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
