I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
