why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
