Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
