i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
