I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
