do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Drake has all the answers
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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