How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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