so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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