i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
