hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
