you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
