Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
