One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
