Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
