Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
