i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
