So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
