I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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