I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
