matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
