Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
