What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize