She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
