I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
