remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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